Jeados: A Fashion Item No Man Needs

Last week there was a story floating around the internet that mullets are making a comeback. Not just for dudes, mullets are also a hot trend for women. Because, well... why not? Everything old is new again and so the fashion cycles go. My 15 year old kid told me the other day that he wanted to grow out a mullet. I'm encouraging the idea, my wife is not. I can hardly say no to him as I once had a really sweet mullet from about 17 to 22 years old. Good times.

Mullets are tolerable, I guess. But I just have to say "no" to the hot new swimsuit trend sweeping the redneck parts of our great nation. The Jeado. It's a speedo that looks like denim. Yes, it's for men. And oh my hell, it's awful. Here, take another look.

It's takes a brave (or European) man to wear a normal speedo. Unless you are a professional swimmer, there is really no place for a normal American dude to wear one in public. Ever. I don't think you should wear one in private either, but you do you, okay? If you are brave, manly, slightly over-confident, have no shame and wish to proceed with the Jeado at the Yellowstone Boat Float this year, now is the time to place your order at www.shinesty.com.

The faux denim Jeado is also available in the very patriotic combo pack. Nothing says God Bless America like a red, white & blue banana hammock. You can go from "party" to "patriot" with a quick change of these super snug, form flattering nugget huggers.

Be sure to top off your look with the ultimate in fake denim beachwear with the Denim Pattern Sleeveless blazer.

The item description really sums up the beauty of this jacket. Perfect for Montana fun.

Consider Denim's Day Off your backwoods Swiss Army Knife. Wear it to the next Hog Calling Contest, while you open a bottle of whiskey with your ass-cheeks, or any scenario in which you’d say, “Hold my beer, watch this.” The sleeveless feature increases mobility and aerodynamics for activities such as ax throwing and gator wrangling. Kick the tires, light the fires and rev that Hemi ‘till the cows come home.

The company also offers various form-fitting Presidential speedos. You can get the face of Bush, Reagan, Obama or Clinton right on the front of your junk. I'm sure they'll be a hit at Cooney this year.